Wanted to balance out the last post with these pics of my beautiful girl who is an amazing big sister. She loves Mo Mo very much and he loves her!

Memories of Maria

So many things about this summer and our adjustment phase with Mo have brought back memories of bringing our Guatemalan Princess home 4 years ago.
Then: Silas, Mike, and I traveled solo with no travel group
Now: Mike and I traveled with 5 other (amazing) families to share the journey
Then: We were bringing home a 2yr 8month old girl, 90% of the families we met there (in hotel, embassy, plane) were bringing home infants
Now: We were bringing home a 4 month old boy, 4 of the 5 other families we were traveling with brought home toddlers and older
Then: We were in love and in awe of all God had done
Now: We were in love and in awe of all God had done

All of our adjustments with Mo seem to have pushed up some painful issues for our sweet Maria. She is crying more, asking more questions, and generally mourning her babyhood that we can tell her nothing about. She is precious and I have been motivated to put more of her scrapbook together. (right now it only has pics from our trip to Guatemala and the first week home~what a slacker mom!) Maria LOVES looking at pics of herself. I tend to avoid it because she always wants to know where those clothes are now. (no, I haven't saved her 2t, 3t, 4t clothes) She is a funny girl. She is a fashionista. So, I am scrapbooking and putting a couple nostalgic pics here from our first days in Guatemala. She was in shock as you can tell. She is still in the process of blooming and coming out of the shell she went into on July 29th, 2005. The day we took her from all she had ever known.

Beyond Cuteness

One of my friends (just call her Super Girl) recently threw me a shower. She patiently waited til I was ready and agreed to have it at my house where I thought the girls and Mo would be most comfortable. This is the only pic I got but at least it has the two gals who did all the planning but is missing the man of honor. : ) So, here is a pic of him in the fun new pack n play that he now sleeps in full time in the office next to our room since we are still not ready to move him further away to his crib in his room.
The shower was such a blessing as my living room was filled with woman I admire so much as moms. It was a reminder to me of the amazing community of support I have. Silas made a slide show CD of our pics from our trip that was so fun to show too.




Just had to share a few new pics as Mo is growing, sitting up now, eating varied forms of mushy food, and simply adorable!

Pondering Ethiopia

This is a post I have sat down dozens of times to write. To put more details from our trip and more thoughts from our journey. Yet each time I go to write I think I just need a little more time to process. I have come to realize that I will never fully process all that we saw and experienced on our trip and since being home. It is too big and too overwhelming. Too beautiful; too disturbing; too human; too real; too touching; too heartbreaking; too amazing; too foreign; too unfair; too humbling; too captivating. I have visited Haiti, orhanages in Tijuana Mexico, and Guatemala but nothing came close to preparing me to visit such a poor country where my sole purpose for being there was to meet and bring home my perfect, beautiful baby boy. Why? Why, do I have the privilege of being a mom who can devote all my time not only to meeting my children's basic needs of food and shelter but beyond that spend a majority of my time with life enriching activities like teaching the Bible, playing soccer, schooling, riding bikes, and playing games? Just before sitting down to write this I bought tickets to Wicked in Seattle to take my drama queen daughter in October. Moges' birthmom did not have these options. She had 2 options: keep and raise her beautiful son and hope that through begging on the streets he would be able to get enough food to survive, or relinquish him to an orphanage knowing that he would be fed and likely could be placed for adoption with a family from another part of the world who could meet all his needs more fully. Did she lack love for him in this decision? Certainly not. Did her heart break in this decision? Certainly. This element of our trip alone is too much for me to digest. I do not deserve the blessings I have been given. Years ago I struggled with God asking "why me?" saying "this is not fair" , saying "I deserve this" when Mike and I went through infertility. I now find myself on the complete polar opposite side of this struggle. Saying to God "I don't deserve this" , "I am getting more than my fair share of blessing" , and humbling asking "why me and not her?, she deserves so much more". Did He ever answer our prayers through a pregnancy? No. Did he make me a mother blessed beyond words with the 4 most amazing kids I know? Yes. Why? I don't know, it is more than I have earned or deserve and why I know Moges is the perfect boy for us. His name means "grace" and he is a gift of grace that we did nothing to deserve but has been given freely to us anyway. One of the families we traveled with brought home an 8 month old beautiful baby boy. As their story has unfolded they are faced with coming to terms with the fact that their new son has extreme special needs. They love him fiercely and are having to make decisions that no one should have to make. Their baby is precious and loved but will not have the ability to live life as we think of little boys living life even now that he will receive the best care possible. Their story could have been our story. Yet here we are with Moges rolling over, just about sitting up on his own and causing all of us to laugh heartily multiple times a day. There is no sense to make of this. I am a faith filled person and have not doubt in my God who created all things and sent His Son to redeem all things. Yet, I don't understand why this happened the way it did.
Well, these are a least a sample of my musings as I ponder and process our journey. God is good but life is not fair and goes beyond what my limited brain can comprehend.
May God find me faithful in all He has given me and called me to.

First day of School

There is something universal about laying out the first day of school outfits the night before! It should be noted however that Maria changed her mind the next morning!
Oh, the first day of school. I had as many butterflies as the girls after having quite a bit of angst over whether to send Kate or homeschool her. We settled on sending her back to her dual language school and I mostly have peace.
The girls were eager and excited after meeting their teachers last week. Mike started work late to come along too, of course worried that both girls might be clingy and need us both there. Nope. Neither were clingy and neither appeared to need either of us!
The first day of school has taken on a completely different dimension for me over the last couple years. In 2007 on the first day of school (before I was out of bed to get ready to take Kate to her first day of kinder) I got a phone call from a friend telling me that our mutual friend was at the hospital apparently about to lose her battle with colon cancer. I rushed to the hospital only to hear from her mom in the parking lot that she had died in the night.
Renie was vibrant, full of life in Jesus, passionate about her husband and 5 kids, funny, organized, steady, talkative, and beautiful. She taught me more about living an authentic life in the Lord than anyone and continues to be my best mentor in motherhood.
Fortunately her husband had agreed to let me bring dinner to their home on Wednesday (the first day of school) and stay for a chat. I brought Mo and Renie's two younger girls (13 and 16) doted over him terribly! They oohed and aahhed and asked lots of questions. Just like I used to do when they were babies! It was beautiful and oh so therapeutic to my still grieving soul. Renie trained, nurtured and loved her children better in the years she had than most mom's do in a lifetime. Renie still shines as a light for Jesus through our memories, through her children, through her husband, and through the countless lives (like mine) she mentored into becoming sold out for Jesus.
As I drove home with tears in my eyes I realized how good God is to have given me this time with this all public schooled family (both Renie and her husband worked in the schools) as a reminder of all the opportunities my children have to be salt and light.

Five Months Old!

There has been so much stirring in my heart as I continue to process our time in Ethiopia and the extreme poverty there. I hope to do a post soon to talk about some of that. In the meantime I thought I would share some fresh pics of Mo taken on August 19th - 5 month birthday!

"Cacooning"

Our adoption agency talked to us a lot about the idea of "cacooning" for the first few weeks or months home. With 3 older active kids that will be impossible once fall hits but we have taken it to heart for the remainder of our summer. We are staying home lots and just getting along together. We have had lovely days though I feel weary at times. Moges feels like a natural part of our family and it does my momma's heart so much good to see Silas, Kate and Maria love on him so well. So, here are some of our home "cacooning" pics. Life is full, beautiful, rich, and tiring but Mike and I know so well how truly blessed we are. Our early days of cacooning with Mike home were the best but he is back at work and the kids and I are figuring it out at home.